The Order of Growlie

Two months ago my cheap night light died in my bathroom. I guess my boyfriend didn't want to look at the plastic piece of shit anymore, so he tossed it in the trash can. A very good call on his part because now I have to make a big girl purchase and buy a real night light for my bathroom so when I stumble through the darkness at 4:00 AM, I don't fall over the laundry basket at the end of the hallway and crack a bone I might want later in life. (It is easy to forget when you wake up from a dream where you're being chased by rabid giraffes.)

So I do a google search on night lights to get some ideas of what I'm looking for. Guess what the second hit on Google is?

Great guess! Hamster-Powered Night Light! First I bitched about an article on squirrel pimping and now I've uncovered something on hamster pimping. You'd think I was an activist for rodents, but I'm definitely not.

This summer our house was attacked by mice, and I mean brutal ninja mice. They managed to find their way 4 feet up in the air to feast on the bread in our pantry, they've shat all over the house, and they've managed to piss on just about every extra pillow we own. I spent a good 3 hours this morning cleaning up the devastation in the laundry room. I believe I was successful in my crusade and now the laundry room smells like citrus.

So do I care that they used the hamster to power a night light? No I don't. If the little bastards are going to live in our homes as pets, they might as well work for it. That's right; my dog can chase sheep for a living if she had to, but there's not that many in the city.

Growlie out.

Chicken truck overturns on I-77
(Columbia) October 18, 2005 - A tractor trailer truck carrying live chickens overturned around 8:00 Monday morning at the Bluff Road exit off Interstate 77 southbound.

Dozens of chickens spilled onto the interstate, the driver of the truck was not hurt. We caught up with the wrecker service out at the scene and here's what the driver had to say about receiving the call.

"He just called me and said a chicken truck was turned over," said Keith Golightly. "Well, chickens everywhere, I already heard on the radio chickens were on the road." ...

I about wet myself when I was on my way to work this morning and I heard about it on the radio. Picture State Troopers and Highway Patrolmen running after chickens that have spilled across the interstate. What does a chicken do when you run at it? It flies away. These guys just couldn't win.

Keep in mind that this happened just a few miles from my house. Sources say the ass driving the truck was going too fast around a curve with his 18-wheeler full of chickens.

I think that's just a likely story. The real truth is that chickens are tired of being repressed and eaten. They were actually were on their way downtown to a slaughterhouse here in Columbia when the truck overturned.

This is what I think happened. The chickens had one leader chicken; he was the brains of the operation. Around a curve in the road he screamed, "LEAN TO THE LEFT!" so all of the chickens leaned to the left and the truck flipped. Then the chickens tried to cross the road because that's just what chickens do.

The chickens inadvertently shut down I-77 causing a large part of the work force of Columbia to be late. We'd better be careful before those beaked bastards take over the world.

By the way, I had chicken for lunch and it was delicious.

For a video of a guy chasing one of these infamous chickens, please see the original article here.